About Me

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Ipoh, Perak, Malaysia
■I'm just an ordinary girl who live on the earth,hope for a hundrum life,but i can't live without surprise to brighten up my life. ■I'm talkative but sometimes,I will be speechless. ■I like to sing but my voice is SUCK. ■People who don't like me can close this window immediatedly,yet,please don't simply judge me. ■I like joking & fooling around^^ but I'm not abnormal=]

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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

其實

其實我什麽都不想說
其實我什麽都不想做
其實我什麽都不是

不想告訴人,我在幹嗎
不想做些我應該要做的東西
不想成爲你們心目中的乖乖女

其實我不想離開怡保
我但願自己沒有很你們吵架
我但願自己從來沒有認識他

其實我不想讀書
可是,我愛面子
我不想被人看扁
也不想成爲你們的眼中釘

其實我真得很沒用
我發覺我的人生已經失去了鬥志
我不像以前的我

其實我不是不去做工
還有很多東西讓我去做
我只是想,這個生日有你們的陪伴

其實
我有好多好多的秘密
我有好多好多的委屈
我都不知道怎麽開口
因爲,在你們心中
我的存在與否,已經不重要了~

JUST

Just a word
I mess your plan
I spoil your mood

Just a word
We can't get back to usual
We just like a stranger
No more connection

Just a word
We're crying for what we've
We need to calm down

Just a word
remind me a song
'what if'
why don't everything just a dream
I'm here waiting for the miracle

Just a word
NO

Monday, November 8, 2010

在金寶唸書時
我離鄉背井,我是個獨立的個體

在吉隆坡生活時
我離鄉背井,我是個寄生蟲

在金寶唸書時
日子再怎麼難熬,我還有爸爸的資助

在吉隆坡生活時
日子再怎麼難熬,我只是無助的發呆

在金寶唸書時
無論如何,爸爸的關心,媽媽的關懷,我通通都收到

在吉隆坡生活時
無論如何,爸媽的問候是我最渴望的東西,也是最不可能得到的

在金寶唸書時
肚子餓了,我可以立刻去打包

在吉隆坡生活時
肚子餓了,也只有maggi面陪我

在金寶唸書時
假日了,可以回家,要不然和朋友出去玩

在吉隆坡生活時
假日了,還是一樣呆在家

在金寶唸書時
遇到麻煩了,朋友都在我的身邊

在吉隆坡生活時
遇到麻煩了,除了自己還是自己

在金寶唸書時
生活過得那麼簡單,沒什麼是非,沒什麼無謂的不合

在吉隆坡生活時
生活過得那麼複雜,是非滿天飛,吵架事件一摞摞

在金寶唸書時
去到哪裡,都可以遇上相熟的朋友

在吉隆坡生活時
去到哪裡,都只是孤身只影

在金寶唸書時
遇到不快樂的事情,朋友都會抱著你,逗你

在吉隆坡生活時
遇到不快樂的事情,只能寂寞的不哼聲

在金寶唸書時
再怎麼不好,我都可以咬緊牙關去面對

在吉隆坡生活時
再怎麼不好,我只是懶懶散散的得過且過

明明知道,卻只是懶散
墮落了

Thursday, November 4, 2010

好煩,好煩~~~~

射手座的人,都是比較嚮往外面的生活
喜歡新鮮,冒險,
很活潑開朗的

可是現在的我
卻天天躲在家裡
不去上班,不做菜
我知道,我在逃避著一些事實
可是,到底是什麼東西
我不知道。

在這裡的日子越來越久了
看清了這個世界的醜陋
而我,也墮落了
好像失去了人生的目標
我要的東西去了哪裡

當我選擇逃避的時候
我的目標離我越來越遠了
我清楚知道這個事實
我的心情很鬱悶
不為什麼

在耍憂鬱嗎?
我清清楚楚知道自己是墮落了
很確實
我想,我的鬱悶來自心底
那一份我一直不敢面對的心情

我要的東西我還能得到嗎
怎麼有種心有餘而力不足的感覺
那份衝勁呢





很煩,很煩
真的很煩~
寫了一大堆沒有次序的東西。。

Saturday, October 30, 2010

射手座

射手女生可能永远也不会知道自己想要的是什么,但是她一直都很清楚,她不想要的是什么。
她总喜欢做幕后的看客,冷冷地,静静地看着一切,在她眼里,一切都在她的 意料之中,她并不觉得有什么是新奇的
如果她表现得新奇,那是因为她觉得应该这样做。她像一个看戏的人,永远置身事外。
你不要责怪她冷漠,这是她保护自己的唯一方式。
她像一只刺猬,随时竖起自己身上的刺,但她的刺不会伤人,她只是用来武装自己。
她不敢要太多的爱,她怕享受完爱之后,剩下的只是加倍的痛。所以当别人对她过度宠爱时,她不但不会欣喜,反而会惊惧地逃走,她不知道怎样回报别人对她的爱
如果你得到她的喜爱,那是因为她已经知道如何面对,如何回报了
她追求那种君子之交淡如水的境界
她懂得爱人,但她不习惯爱人,她知道爱往往伴随着恨,而恨,是太沉重的伤痛,也是太容易让人疲倦的感情。
她不想痛,也就懒得去恨,于是,为了防范恨与痛的到来,她只好选择不爱
即使爱,也是淡淡的,冷冷的。
别怪她,她是真的不知道如何专注
她有时也很虚伪。不要指责她,她之所以选择虚伪,那是你勉强她做她不愿做但又拒绝不了的事
她不习惯承诺,也不懂得拒绝,她最擅长的是难为自己。她不想你难过,只好令自己难过。
她总是固执地认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力,她将自己想得太坚强,而把别人想得太脆弱。
她老是担心自己的行为会让别人受到伤害。她不知道,受伤的其实是自己。只是她不知道如何表现出
她迷糊得像别人所认为的那样,将自己当成一个百毒不侵的人
别以为她很洒脱,很多时候,她其实是放不下的
她比任何人都要敏感,都要细腻,但她不会让你知道,她明白,即使你知道了,也是无济于事。
她的心是把握不住的风,她渴望像风一样单纯而自由。 
她不是不想平静,她只是找不到平静的理由,
她一生都无法明确自己在人世要扮演的角色,她只有不停地寻求,寻求自己最终的目的。
如果她找到了,她会毫不犹豫地停下来,从此放弃心灵的漂泊。
很遗憾,她永远也不会满足,她的追求永不停止。
她的心再累,无法逼迫自己放弃梦想,梦想是她唯一的支撑点。
千万别让她失望。因为她学不会原谅,
她非常渴求完美,虽然她知道世间没有绝对的完美,
但,她有绝对追求完美的执着。
你若令她失望,她会不可挽回地离开,即使她的心在滴血,即使痛楚重得要压垮她的生命,她也绝不回头。
那个时候,你在她脸上所看到的是让人寒心的决绝。
即使她还在你的身边,她的心也早就离你十万八千里,
你看不到她的恨,但是你会感受到比恨还让人痛苦的冷淡。她的离开是心灵的离开。
她可以在前半分钟对你好得让你受宠若惊,也可以在后半钟 冷漠得让你不可接受。
不要问她为什么这样善变,她也不知道。
当你看到她在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时,千万不要迷惑
不管她看起来是多么的疯狂,她内心其实是冷静的
她比你们任何一个旁观者更知道如何处理快乐与悲伤,她只是习惯,也可以说是喜欢将一切都变得疯狂。
因为她觉得这是义务,也是权利,她是制造气氛的能手
她的一句俏皮话会让一切轻快起来,但她的一声叹息又会将一切都弄得很沉重。
她总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与忧郁.
她并不如你们看到的那么快乐,同样,也不如你们看到的那么忧伤,
只是,她忧郁时,喜欢带上快乐的面具,而当她快乐时,忧郁又不肯轻易放过她。
在她的世界里,盛着的不是快乐的源泉,
而是她不愿在人前滴下的泪水。
你看到的她,笑起来像一个孩子,你有时会认为她天真得像是童话里走出来的天使。
但是,你若有心,你会看到她沉静时脸上挥之不去的忧伤,
还有她的眼底,竟那么凝重地积压着一种看破红尘的味道。
她只有在午夜无人的时候,才会完全地释放自己。
她不会在众目睽睽之下表露她的无助,她的彷徨,她的沧桑。
她心里的,是永远流不尽的泪。你所看到的坚强,只是她在竭力掩饰的脆弱

A.R.G.H

what a dam shit mood today
what a fuck bored today
what's going on me today
LMAO~~~~~~~~~~

what's had happen on me?
I'm cheerful,outgoing,enjoy social all the ways
well,I'm not being that now
why.?!

I'm just 21 yrs old.
I still like to shop with my buddies.
I still enjoy lepak everywhere with my buddies
we club,we game,we shop,we chat....
BUT now
I just like another otaku
staying in my room
watchin drama,anime
playing games
what else I can do beside that and work

I had forgot how long I dint wear my other clothes
how long I dint make-up
omg.........
I hate my life now,it become quite
I don't want ordinary life
I need some excited,cheerful things happen.


H.E.L.P

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

噩夢的開始

吵架,越來越嚴重了
無理取鬧,任性妄為
通通都來了
就連平時不敢說的話
全部比利巴拉說完出來了

這一次的東西
我全部都徹徹底底收拾好離開了
那一剎那,我真的很想去找我的表妹
那一剎那,我真的很想離開
無聲地哭泣
眼淚流到滿床都是
結果就睡著了

你搖醒了我
朦朧地看著你
那股衝動,很想,習慣性地抓著你的手
在那不清醒的狀態下
我以為前一分鐘發生的事情
都只是一場夢
眼尾瞄一瞄
行李就在我隔壁
原來,這是真的~~~~
很難過,很難受
不想起來,繼續睡下去

這一次,真的可以如你所說的
我會過得比從前開心?
我可以避違別人的冷眼涼語?

在另一頭看熱鬧的傢伙
應該會落井下石,在一旁開心的開香檳了吧~
你們說過的話,做過的東西
不要以為我真的不知道
誰對我好,誰對我假
我都看得一清二楚
面對麻煩只會把責任亂推~~~~

這一切煩惱
我真的希望,可以很好的畫上句點。

Sunday, October 17, 2010

SingleLife or CoupleLife

It's been a long time to update my blog.
May be it's because there's nothing gonna happen within this few week.
May be I'm not going to share my story,my feeling,my mood to anyone.
May be I still can't figure out how to express.
Even by tears or by words.
So,
I'm not crying&blogging.

Honestly,I'm tired to be with him.
Many tears had gone during the midnight.
No one will know, no one will understand.
It's his fault or mine.
I think it's both.
I have no idea to explain it.

He's the one who tried to mess my mood.
He's the one who din't care me while I'm hurt.
He's the one who will talk something to hurt you when He's get mad on it.
He's the one who tired to threat me.
He's totally different from all my previous one.
I don't know how to handle this case.
It's the first time.

Sometimes,I just wanna make a decision and leave it.
But,it's hard and I'm not willing to so.
Sometimes,I tried to pester or console.
Well,the same face expression.

Stay together maybe is a sweet case for somebody
Well,I'm suffering on it.
I prefer to move out from his mind,his sight
RIGHT NOW.




Tuesday, October 12, 2010

请珍惜20岁时陪在你身边的女孩

女孩子二十岁左右是她最美丽的年华

这时的她心地最善良,有点成熟,又有点孩子气

男孩子二十风左右是他最暗淡的日子

这时的他什么都没有,不独立又不想依靠,

挣扎着彷徨着,寻找着自己的位置

如果一个男孩子遇见了一年纪相当的女孩子,

请一定要珍惜她,因为这个女孩子是用自己最美丽的年华陪他走过了最暗淡的日子,

20岁,是一个男生什么都没有的时候,

给不了女生任何,

但现在20岁,是一个女生青春灿烂的时候,她却选择跟了你.

20岁一上男生最低潮的时候,

现实说没有房,没有车,没有事业,没有钱......

.内涵点说,没有责任心,不够成熟,没学会包容........

有的最多也只是一张帅气点儿年轻的脸,

但他们却容易凭借着自己的年轻去贪心,花心,伤害.......

做一些冲动的事,自认为很勇敢的却从一去想结果的事.

20岁,一个女生最青春的时候,而且是青春很干净又最灿烂的时候,

她拥有着最真诚的心,很单纯的只想好好对一个人,

男人随着年龄增长会越来越有魅力,而女人随着年龄的增长,会越来越暗淡,

她的暗淡不是因为内在,阅历只会让人成熟而更有魅力.

而是刀子的容颜,青春是永远败给时间的,

不论曾经有多少人爱慕你年轻的容颜,

随着时间,这些人早已烟消云散,

不再陪在其你的身边,过客........

而女人却是容易傻的为一个无情的男人耗尽她的一生.

而一生有多长?长的都可怕

不必虚伪,任何男人都中是喜欢年轻的女子,喜欢她们的青春........

而青春可以保留多久?

没错,这个社会是肮脏的,

所以让生活在里面的男人和女人慢慢的沦陷,沉迷.........

变成自私不负责任的男人.

虚荣现实的女人,而原来的直诚已经被磨的早已经不见踪影,

直到在和别人谈真诚时别人会说;"真诚?真诚值几个钱?而谁又没有真诚过啊?:

所以,20岁,这个让人心动的年龄,

女生和一个20岁的男生在一起为的是什么?

你什么都没有,她选择跟了你.

只是因为她诚实的面对自已那颗真诚的心喜着你,想和你在一起,对你好,

不想想任何,那样纯粹

所以男孩仪请珍惜20岁时陪在你身边的女孩,

因为她是用自己人生最美好的时光去爱你的,

二十岁的爱是最纯洁的爱,

这种毫不计较为对方付出的爱是没有精力再来第二次的



Sunday, September 26, 2010

empty.life.complicated

Erm,I totally don't know how to start this article
My mind is complicated.
It's totally mess up my mind.
I don't know how to describe my feeling.
It caused by HIM.
haiz~

Feel like wanna share my experience with my buddies here
It's cool for ushered as a bikini girl at Lost World,Tambum
and also ushering during the Arthur's Day at Sunway Theme Park.
I met many pretties.

Keep posing for shoot at Lost World is tired.
It's the 1st time I dance on the dance floor in front the crowd.
It's quite happening over there.
I met many old friends there^^
Those are seldom meet seem we're graduated since high school.
Good to back my hometown.

It can be a first time I can enjoy the live of the artist
Sean Kingston-he's so cute...^^
Mzz Nina&Colby O'Donis-I totally don't know he's the artist,his hair dam curly.
Flo Rida-he's the most happening artist during all of them
others,I don't know who was them....heeees~~~

More jobs are coming up.
Hope to meet the same babes~~~<3

Friday, September 10, 2010

YOU & ME

Keep cryin for today.I have no idea for my temper right now.Is it getting worst now?Yea,It's dam fucking get to the worst.I miss him and don't wanna let him leave me even it's just a moment.


I hate argue with you cause my temper and his unacceptable reason.I need a mature guy to take care of me all the time,but I don't wanna lost him.It's such a contradiction situation in my mind.

I love the way him call me ferkferk,bibi,sohpo,abnormal(in chinese)...blablabla~~~xD




This-the ferkferk.But Sheena says it's look like Simon..@@


I don't like to be romantic with him.I enjoy the surprise he giving me.I enjoy the day&night with him.I love to see his silly face once i open my eyes.

No matter how caprice I'm,he also try to stand for it.Even he's fail to do so,even we're arguing.Well,he's the one who hold me again.

I hate the loneliness covering the atmosphere of his room while he's going to work,class or hanging out..blablabla...It make me feel that I'm just a THING.








I look like a short weirdo~@








The day I be with you is just a short period but it's like years.Do this relationship can last for years?Even it's just a year.I'll appreciate it.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

慘痛

慘了慘了
我的生活已經徹底的顛倒了
尤其是昨天,
真的超級白~!!
6點才下班
好痛苦啊~~~~~~
本來說好今天去紋身的
結果
我當然睡得像豬呀~~
再一次的放飛機了
paise~~~~~~~


這是我上班的樣子了
穿著這透視的黑絲襪
走在sunwaypyramid
好奇怪~~@@
不管它了
呵呵

上班到了3點多
還以為可以下班了
結果
還要去另一個房間
遇到一個超級LC的顧客
25歲的二世祖
以為坐ferrari就大玩
還真的看不慣這種仙人

喝了Hennessy XO
真的不錯喝
超愛的
可是
加上我最討厭的Black Label
那味道簡直就是要我的命
在回家的半路就嘔死了
還好有 Evans 幫我準備熱水洗澡
真的謝謝他咯
不過我的Dear就可憐咯
6點多半夜被我吵醒

BeachParty快到了
我還沒有買到白色高跟鞋
還要agent有提供Bikini
要不然,那麼龜毛的我
都不知道幾時才可以買到
到底要穿怎樣的高跟鞋~~~
煩 啊煩啊



Sunday, September 5, 2010

迷茫

有時候在想
到底是迷失了自己還是方向
站在這個人生的交叉
那么多個出口
我很彷徨

開始忘記自己本來的目的
開始忘記自己到底要做些什么呢
現在的工作和陪坐真的沒有什么分別
幸運的,就遇到好的客人
不好的,就遇到抹上摸下的
不過上班了兩天都沒遇上這樣的人
反而讓我看到那邊女孩子的恐怖
太驚人
搞得我都不敢看
還真的夠力下的

為了錢,
那么多女生要出賣自己的肉體
難道要做到那樣嗎?
那些錢真的不夠花嗎?
到底是為了什么?
物質?學業?家庭?

不過,在那邊
我只需要做好自己的本分
不要超過自己的原則
存好錢
我要買車
我要買D90
我要買回我的電話~!!



Friday, August 27, 2010

I'M depressed..=(

I think many people on facebook
my lovely friends
would like to know what's going on with me
while my phone had been stolen by a fucking moron

well,it's kinda a stupid of me
I don't know how to explain
I'm not willing to tell those who aren't close with me
anyway,I thank for the caring for you guy
I thank for those who like to gossip my stuff

Non-repudiation,my Iphone had been stolen by a moron
and
he was a chinese,29 years old
I'm dam fucking hate these fellow
If I can meet him again
sure I'll cut his penis!!!!













He's my dear
I know he isn't mature enough to take care of me
Everything I hope just a little simple thing
The day I lost my iphone
I was depressed well I din't show to others even HIM
laughing,hanging out,crazying,fooling around
No matter how much I try to act
I can't forget
It already happened!
even the next day I wake up
I still under a fucking depress mood
I know I'm annoying for him at that moment
while he's hungry,headache,gastric
well,I hope he can understand me
He know who I'm






只想要一個像小說版的王子出現在我的身邊
在我最無助,局勢,失落
伸出他那無私的雙手
拋開他的私人情感
讓我可以盡情地在他的身上任性撒嬌
就算,他也處在不開心的情況
可是,還會有這樣的人嗎?
現在有的只是互相體諒,互相照顧,互相包容
有時候
我也想休息~


Friday, August 13, 2010

What A bad luck~!!

這個地方比起我的hometown
遠遠的不安全
行竊的事件發生得特別多

前陣子
姑姑家進賊
3部laptop被偷了
許多現金也沒有了

昨天 clubbing 后
和朋友在Jalan Ipoh 吃點心
朋友的車鏡被人割破了
我的 IC,Lisence,ATM Card 還有一些錢也沒有了
媽的,我心愛的裙子和化妝品也報銷~~~~
我的朋友更慘
電話也沒了
不用說,錢也沒了啦
車鏡都不知道修理了要多少錢

有時候真的不知道為什么那些人那么喜歡揩油~!
我上班的時候遇到的這件事,真的太過分了
我完全無法忍受~~!!!
我的朋友在clubbing的時候也是
也不知道那個人是誰
氣得她都哭了

我發覺
beer和liquor是不可以一起喝的
一起喝了,肚子真的不好受
嘔到我要死的

可憐的dear
明明已經累到走不到路
還要照顧我
弄東西給我吃,煲熱水給我洗澡
然后才一起睡覺


Thursday, July 29, 2010

<( ̄oo, ̄)> 不在身邊的晚上

感覺上很久沒有上來更新
我的生活沒什麽好寫
只能說我的日子過得很頽廢
不找工作
懶惰~~~
天天窩在他的家
要嘛等他下課
要嘛等他下班
窮到要死的兩個人
哪裏都不能去
在家看戯,吃飯。。
好無聊。。。。。= ="

喜歡他和我走在街上的感覺
拖着我那小手
走這,走哪
他第一次和我一樣
穿着沙灘褲,睡衣和拖鞋
兩個人走去Pyramid買菜。。。。xD
早知道把我們兩個人的傻樣拍下來
可是
他超不愛拍照的咯~~~
(≥3≤)''

很多人都問我
爲什麽不找一個養得起你的男朋友
而是選擇了他
曾經,我告訴自己
我不會找一個要我出錢的男生做我的男朋友
然而,當他出現
你也管不了那麽多了
~~~(≧◡≦)
不過還好不是完全AA啦
有時候你的,有時候我的

前陣子在Ts做promoter
天啊
我應該很久沒有做promoter了
站到我的腳都快要斷掉了
媽媽的~~~>< 還好回到家有人幫我按摩~~
~(✿◠‿◠)
那一天沒什麽人的
好無聊
一直和他sms
他說他在家睡覺
結果當我和朋友去吃晚餐的時候
竟然給我看到他
原來他在等我下班和我一起搭ktm回家
我笑着和他說,“嘻嘻,第一次和你搭。。”
結果他說,“然後?”
Zzzz,好煞啊~~!!~~~
(┬_┬)↘

Monday, July 12, 2010

曾经,曾经。

年轻,我曾经年轻过
朝气,我曾经朝气过
好多好多的曾经。。

曾经我就像每个女孩一样
渴望自己的初恋是甜蜜的
然而我错了
我只是不小心遇上了一个花心男
他分手的理由超逊的

曾经我就像每个人一样
渴望自己的成绩可以很好
然而我错了
我只是不小心碰上自己的小聪明
成绩也只是马马虎虎

曾经我就像身边的朋友一样
渴望自己的恋爱可以很长久
然而我错了
我只是不小心碰上了叛逆的灵魂
恋情也只不过半推半就的结束了

曾经我就像网络恋人一样
渴望自己的也可以像他们一样
然而我错了
我只是不小心遇上了一个有“妇”之夫
敢情是多么的虚伪阿

曾经我就像每个人一样
渴望自己的家是幸福,开心的
然而我错了
我只是不小心来到这个世界上
家,只不过一个代名词

曾经我就像每个人一样
渴望自己的朋友是友善的
然而我错了
我只是不小心成为他们的用具
朋友只不过是互相利用的
总有被背叛的一天

曾经
曾经
曾经
曾经
曾经


The Day I at Ipoh=Crazy

感覺回來了
回到自己的 hometown
熟悉的朋友
熟悉的地方
爽啊~~~~!!

回到家的第一天
脾氣不好的我
就和我家老頭大吵了一頓。。
我。。。又來了,又來了。
真糟糕~~

第二天睡醒了就call了Jeorick出來吃午餐
我的生活習慣裡面
早餐已經沒有了,哈哈~
由於我到處找朋友的原因
忽略了他,他也沒有什麼東西可以做
就回家了
我呢,繼續和我的朋友聊天
感覺上好久沒有這種可以很輕鬆聊天了
這才是我自己嘛,哎喲
在東區巧遇sifatpoh
後來我們又去了imax
打機的打機;上網的上網

第三天,我又睡遲了
sifatpoh打來叫醒我
可是,我還是繼續睡到2點多
立刻call Hoshi載我去染頭髮了
染了一個蠻淺的顏色
不過我嫌那個顏色還不夠亮
等Hoshi教完class
就去pasarmalam了
這個是我們每個星期2都會去的地方
去了pasarmalam
我們去funpark
我沒有試過一夥兒去這些地方玩
一起玩那個剪刀的 ,還有 BumperCar....
你撞我的,我撞你的
爽爽爽~~~
接著來,到然逝去Mcd報到~~
Goal~Goal~

第四天,起床的時候就已經下大雨了
結果等到6點我才和 sifatpoh搭taxi出去了
今天逝去唱k的 時候
好期待all girls night...=)
我們在k房裡面簡直亂成一團。。。xD

是時候回Pj了
有點不捨得
不想Pj那忙碌的生活
趕LRT的生活
haiz...
錢 啊。。。錢啊。。。快點飛來給我啊~~

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

再一次

坐在這個冰冷
沒有你在身邊的冷氣房
我懷念你的體溫
你那大大的掌心
仿佛讓我找到了依靠

寒冰的小手
碰觸的每一個鍵盤
都是沒有溫度的字母

朦朧的視線里
手指飛快地敲打著鍵盤
也找不到一個安慰
我已經不知道自己的寫的東西
是對的還是錯的
無法判斷

我的胃不斷地攪動著
很難受的痛
那種感覺
好像快要把肚子穿破

看著電話的熒幕
沒有你的來電
沒有你的消息
斷了嗎?

睜不開的眼睛
看不清的字幕
無法舒緩的痛
也比不上心里的寒冷

Thursday, July 1, 2010

掙扎。。彷徨。。

還記得那一天
朋友來找我

他說, 你來到了這裡,你一定會變的
我問他, 我會變得怎樣?
他說, 變得和這裡的女生一樣,變得很勢利
我告訴他,我不會,我還有我的原則

後來,我發現
當我開始在有錢人的圈子打滾的當兒
我變得很現實,很重視金錢
我開始變得很勢利眼

表妹還有堂妹都找到水魚買電腦給他們
而我呢,在就把那個機會讓了給堂妹
因爲,我覺得那個人還蠻噁心的
不想和他出去
表妹問過我,是否後悔
我說我沒有。
無可否認,我的確沒有後悔
很奇怪吧,可是就不爲什麽

生活變得不一樣
開始想不通身邊的人到底在想什麽
我想,她也不能夠像以前一樣
完全了解我變得怎麽樣
到底我是怎麽一個人
連我自己也覺得很痛苦
好像跌進了一個深坑
一個無底洞

我不想出賣自己的原則
我很掙扎
感覺很彷徨
沒有錢的日子真的很難熬
沒有人資助的日子很難受
我快要瘋狂了
我快想不通,幾乎想開口向家人要零用錢
可是,很快的
這個念頭就消失了

假裝堅強真的好累
每一次的不開心都只會説沒事,沒啥,別擔心
我不知道我那一天會再一次的崩潰
再一次在公共場合丟臉
哭得稀里嘩啦的~

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

很熟悉,很陌生

來帶了這個大城市
對我來說
失去了一班義氣仔女
讓我好沒有安全感
除了電聯,還是電聯。。。
透過了facebook
我知道我的朋友們,很多都過得不開心
很多都為感情煩惱
而我???
感情生活還真的多姿多彩=)

有時候,覺得人真的好奇怪
我和他本是facebook的朋友
根本就沒什麽談上幾句話的那種
結果,那一天無意中讓我看見了他
回到傢就跑去他的facebook留言
第一次面對面看見對方
呵呵,他長得真像小孩
沒多久,我們就在一起了
我很害怕和他在一起
會為我自己帶來傷害
畢竟,我們都不了解對方
而且,他是一個很典型的金牛座
比我的媽媽還夠力~~~~~
不過,我喜歡他讓我在他的懷裏撒嬌
很過癮~~~xD

認識了一個完全和我不同世界的人
認識了他的朋友
抽煙,泡夜店,賭博,吸毒。。。。。。
感覺很懊惱
我在問我自己
我到底是在幹嗎?
爲什麽我會在他的圈子裏打轉~?
和他相處在一起,我沒有真正的笑過~

好累,
好想現在就賴在屁股先生的懷裏
=)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Suffering

I hate suffering.
I hate get drunk.
I hate being molest.
I hate to mingle around.
I hate pestering people to buy it.
I hate lie to myself.
I hate make up heavy
I hate wearing high heel so often.
I hate introduce myself everytimeSsss...
I hate....
I hate.......
all these matters drive me crazy.

My voice & my tummy are getting spoiled day by day.
I can't have a normal sleeping time like others.
My skin is getting worst and darker day by day.
I don't know what going on with me
I'll awake because of the nightmare.
I was crying in my dreams.

I keep stand for it to earn my 1st RM10k.
well,I'm collapse now.
I can't stand for it anymore.

13June2010 0130am
I cried at the entrance.
I shouted for my problems.
I'm collapse at the moment.
I.....quit my job.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

My freelance LIFE

Such a long time I dint update my blog
same like last time
I have no idea to start a new article here
Since my little lappy had been stolen
I have no more encouragement for blogging

After I had ended my job at 798 wine bar
I felt lost at that moment.I have nothing to do beside finding jobs and waiting for agent's call
The agent keep delaying the payment since 13May

Luckily my friend asked me for replace her job at Puchong on 19-21May
=)
That was a 1st time I went Puchong
I had been cheated by a taxi driver for telling me there had no bus to get there.
ish~~~~~=(
I don't have any money for lunch and also back to PJ.
William,my friend,who stayed at Kajang and willing to fetch me back to PJ from Puchong.
The 2nd day of my job,I totally lost my way at Puchong.
I can't found my destination.
I asked for so many passer there
well,they can't gimme an exactly situation
It cause me walk for so many street
Finally,a nice girl,who fetched me to my working place..so nice...lalala~~=)
The 3rd day of my job,my aunt fetch me to there since it was public holiday.
I keep yawning there since there have no much customer who're smoking between 18-35
so MANY kidz smoking there...headache...bad bad bad...

After this,I started my mushroom life....=(
Searching jobs.Calling agent to get my salary.Busying interview.Back hometown...
Well,I thought I can have a nice rest at hometown.
yet,I received agent's msg for interviewing as a usherette of a Golf Event.
Damn it,I had to rush back PJ...=(

3 June,It was a 1st time I worked at Golf Resort.
enjoying the environment
enjoying the new partners

Before the event started,I was having training at CocoBanana for being a vodka shooter there.
3am only I backed my home.
5am I slept and 8am I woke and rush to Tropicana Golf Resort.
10am I worked until 930pm
rush back home and changed my clothes
Cousin and I had to rush to SunwayPyramid start our nite job.
3June,It was my dam tired day
We just slept for 3 hours and work from 10am-3am.
Well,we're exhausted.
We have no choice..money money money come~~~~

Sometimes,I felt regret for choosing as a vodka shooter.
There have no basic income with only commission.
I have to drink some if I wanna have a high commission as my senior.
It was suffering to be there.
I don't like the environment.
I don't like the job scope.
I don't like the people there who're so dam CHEAP~~like me..>.<
I become a bicth at the 5 hours.
I have to pretend.
I lost myself.
I feel depressed.


haiz~Gonna find a better job for night after I get my 1st 10k salary per month~

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Updated for my life

Well~It seems to take a long time for my new article here
I don't know how to start it
My life was just busy with works
yet,I need it more.

Staying under aunt's house
wasn't convenience for me
Every thing I have to do by following her rules,her logics.
I miss my lovely home.

How was my daddy?mommy?sisters?
Yet,got some condition won't change.
Dad,I hope not to waste your money anymore and don't want rely on you
Mom,I hope you can be healthy all the time,be tough..I know you're the one always concern and worry bout me
Aiyee,I hope you really can figure out your path for you career.Don't step back my path.
Kuan,Swee&KarFoo,I hope you really can be more obedient and don't obey mommy and criticize her

The place I working now is located at Bandar Mentari
venue:RoyalThai,798 Wine Bar
as a bar ambassador.
Well,I persuade myself that my job is clean and just do the same thing as PR.
I have to train myself to drink more while I easy get drunk.
why~?
I just wanna get the money and spend it on my tuition fee,materials,needs..blablabla~

But now,something had changed.
My laptop had been stolen
So on,my cousin.
my first reaction was shocked.
it is unbelievable,unacceptable
I cried,not for the laptop
I cried for the memory with you
The memory,my kampar life with you

I asked the picture from you
I tried to get it back
well,your response make me depressed.
you had deleted them earlier.

I talk to myself,I should
forget the way you chase me
forget the place we walked
forget the way you kiss&hug me before sleep
forget the way you look at me and your sight
forget the way..........etc.
AND
congratulation to you and you new gf.=)
Duration:9mths

For now
I've to appreciate the time with sifatjing
even we have nothing at all
flirter?friend's lover?
Well,I don't want figure out the answer.

be tough be happy

Monday, April 26, 2010

A new place to start

While I was inside the bus
I cant sleep at all
listen to the music
the scene outside was just dark,feel scary
the malay man who sat beside me is too smelly till I cnt turn my head to another side.
I saw a girl who wore low cut shirt,her boobs gonna drop out while she was sleeping
Yet,I cant do anything for her
Since she was too far from me
those goldfish man just keep looking at there
sorry girl...@@..

Finally I was arrived KL at 2200
well,I get in the car at 2300
What a joke.
No why,it is too jam...
Kelly Clarkson had finished her concert at bukit jalil also
Cars are uncountable.
I only can standing there for hour to wait for my cousin come out from the concert
lol~xD

We went KLCC in the midnite.
It was so nice
No one will look at you while you passed by the shop as usual.
We look for the garden.
The crazy cousin was shouting there
' I wanna buy a BMW'......hehe..hope it will be true
so on,I can have a nice seat there^^

Firstly,we thought go for clubbing
but,where to go on Sunday night..==
finally we choose to have our meal at Station 1 at Sunway
Dunno why,the foods and beverage there seems different from Ipoh branch
I prefer IPoh's ice honey lemon.^^

Everyone was sleepy
but Im confusing with my trouble which I get in
Just wanna take a breathe
I went out with my friend
We go for a tea
His friend was funny
totally drunk

While I was waiting for him in the car
I don't know whether the air-cond really cold or my heart was cold
After he fetch me back home
both of us seems funny
I don't know what was he thinking at that moment
But I knew,I miss him and not willing to back home early.haha~~==
He asked me to accompany him
So,we go out again~~~>.<

It was the first time I cry on him
ha~xD
He wiped away my tear
He let me lead on his shoulder
He accompany me for whole nite
He hug me suddenly..so warm...
I like to be warm warm de....^^
I shocked while he kissed me
I almost forget the kissing feel d.
well,He just recall it so easily.
My heart was beating.
I miss his shoulder,I miss his gentle,I miss his hugging
even I knew it cant be real
and it's just a temporary console for me
or He need console also..hoo...
who know,since he seems got something happen~
but he don't want tell so on I wont force him


*If you see this,I just wanna let you know
Im here for you anytime,cheer~^^*


Saturday, April 24, 2010

Finally

昨晚放工回家
是你開門給我的
讓你看到我這個模樣
真的很難堪
知道你不喜歡
我還是去做
現在,錢對我真的很重要
而且
它可以讓我更快的賺到我要的金額
我這麼說
我知道很傷你的心
不過我會保護自己
你就別難過了
只有找這些快賺錢的工作
我就可以繼續
可以做我自己的東西

終於也就說出口了
應該松一個口氣
可是反而更加沉重
看不下去
你不知道我在想什麼
就好像我也不知道你在想什麼

你說了很多
你哭
我說了很多
都是我們想告訴你的東西
我也哭了
太激動了嗎?
我也不知道
看到你們這樣
我真的很難過很無奈
我什麼也做不到

在你們眼裡
我只是一個不懂事的孩子
不會為別人著想的孩子
雖然你的確比他了解我的個性
可是我想的東西
你們都不知道,不清楚

只要我做了你不開心的事
你就會說是別人教我的
你知道嗎?
不要說別人,要就說自己的
幹嘛要賴別人
難道自己的心裡就可以比較安慰嗎?

你明明知道他們變得如何
可是你卻用錯方式對他們
你也不說他們
只會令他們更加叛逆
你在用你方式保護著我們
可是,我們需要自己一個獨立的世界

其實
我們都只是一個很簡單的物體
想那麼多有的沒的
自己一個傷心,難過
別人說的話
不要那麼在意
生活在這個家庭
不要比較
做自己就好

Thursday, April 22, 2010

不足掛齒,難以啟齒


喜歡一個人的定義是什麼?
什麼是癡心,什麼是花癡

有時候我在想
暗戀一個人,真的可以很久嗎?
是因為不甘心無法在一起還是啥
就算是真的喜歡他/她
那,日子久了,剩下的是什麼
不甘心?習慣?還是真的喜歡。。。

我也不曉得自己是如何的
感覺上,我沒有喜歡任何人
我可以想念 O 先生,K 先生,C先生
每一個都想在一起
可是,再想多下
每一個,我都不想
每一個都不足掛齒
到底我是怎麼了

很貪心~
我變得很現實,很偏激
東西達不到我的要求
會整個人鬱鬱寡歡
可以emo一整天




感覺身邊的朋友少了
到最後在你身邊的還是家人
當我決定不把我的事情告訴我媽咪的時候
我就知道我長不大
我學不會
如何去尊重一個人
可是對於媽咪
我只能說對不起
我真的難以啟齒

星期一就要去kl上班了
雖然還是會回來
還有 PcFair
過後就要在Kl過生活了
感覺蠻期待,也很陌生
複雜 ~

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

納悶

我的心情都在左右著我一天的生活
我根本就不知道自己在幹啥

他和她
都不是我能夠體會的

他說 ,不要在我的面前說她
他說,不要在我的面前說他不應該如何對她
他說了
She just your M,not his W.
很驚訝,很壓抑
儘管這已經不是秘密
可是從他口中說出來,太~~~~~~~~~
我真的無法接受
他不應該和我說

當我作出這個決定的當兒
很多事情的發生
我都應該掌握了
冷言冷語的
輕視的眼神
失望的眼神
哀嘆的語氣

我不曉得如何去處理現在的問題
就因為我知道你的感受
所以當初才做了這個決定
可是這個決定影響了我
也影響了現在的你
現在的全部

有時候我在想,為什麼我就無法決絕點?
思前慮後的
自私點那該多好~

你的一言一語讓我很心寒
讓我不知道怎麼去面對
我的心在掙扎
可是我告訴自己
夠了,不要再猶豫了
疼自己多一點吧
不要讓自己再繼續墮落下去

很多東西都纏繞著我的小腦袋
這根本不是它能夠承受的


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

快人快語



身邊的人,事,物開始變化
疏遠自己,拉攏自己
解決了的,煩惱中的
來到是非之地
看到很多可笑的人,事,物
無稽~~

怎麽樣的朋友才值得讓你深交
交流廣闊嗎?
這樣人其實很可悲
等到你遇到了麻煩,你的朋友就會離你遠去
留下的小貓兩,三只
或許是你的朋友,或許不是
這個世界太多雞婆,貓哭老鼠假慈悲的人
異性朋友多也不是好事
當他們有了對象
就會開始疏遠你來避免一些不必要的誤會

我承認我的照片和我的樣子有很大的出入
這沒啥,純粹是照片顔色的問題
不過有些人完全是不一樣的
照片19,20;現實的樣子長得快30。。
不過,我不會給于任何評論
除非那些人看不清自己,卻在外面說別人~
那種人簡直可笑~

遇到一種只會炫耀自己樣貌的人
我更想大笑。。xD
到處告訴別人,得過什麽獎項,參加過什麽比賽
無法入圍就哭哭啼啼的傢伙
要命~就爲了成名嗎?
倒不如讀好書。。。。*我也不能說別人,因爲我也在浪費錢,哈~~*
當他們在利用別人對他們的感情
有沒有想過,那人一直在背後默默地幫他們,支持他們
可是他們卻貪得無厭,只會埋怨對方做得不好
就算他們是我的朋友
我也會毫不留情看扁他們
可恥~

身邊很多朋友都成雙成對的
可是我並不羡慕,也不會很渴望自己也是那一對
老套的說一句
讀書比較重要
哈~~
只是享受沒被約束的生活
需要被關心,朋友&家人都會在身邊
哈~這或許是暫時性的
矛盾。。。。。
不過,對於那些因爲失戀而哭得死去回來的傢伙我沒啥好感
一哭,二閙,三上吊~~
這老掉牙的戯碼,不流行了

我只想說
當你在說別人的時候
請想想,自己是否也是這樣的人
當你在埋怨對方的不是
請想想,自己是否也是一樣~~
*朋友,情侶,姐妹。。*






Monday, April 12, 2010

Releasing.A new life gonna begin

Finally I can release it
I talked to dad,my aunt bout my feeling toward my studies.
At the end,I can choose what I want.^^.
It's a great news for me.
Yet,mommy still don't know it.=(
She is the one I hard to talk to,explain to.
What to do..What to do....

After back from KL.
I had singK for three times in a week.
sound COol~~~enjoy the life....=)

My job had gone since the agent told me it was too dangerous for us.
oh my gosh~~~rm3000++ had gone...
my heart is bleeding.crying.yelling
I cant bought some material for my next step.
Ish.I wanna get more n more n more JOBsssssSS~

Kampar,a small town.
I gonna leave it soon.
It is a memorable land for me during my study life.
Im not willing to see my friends who gonna graduate in this year end
so,I leave first.~~~~Lmao~~~

Many of my friends are asking me
Why I dint went for shooting d?
Laziness....&
I have to work.
Shooting cant get money,Work can~^^

I will be the previous one.
happy.funny.crazy.sohai.
-jessy-

Sunday, April 4, 2010

2 April -- 4 April 2010

The 1st day I at KL
my friend come n pick me at pudu.
when I was waiting for him
I just like a stupid sitting inside KFC =D

He accompany I go 河清園
because I wanna find some lace legging
but I failed to get it
So,We go to TS n SG afterward.
But I failed to buy my lace dress...=(

So, we go to 1utama for movie
I so scared that I will lost the way
because 1 U is so big
haha~~~xD

I bought a new shirt at FOREVER 21
I like the outfit over there
but many of them is too big for me...@@
too bad.....TT

1815,is time for our movie^^
I decide to watch Clash of the Titans
what a fantastic,amazing movie
even the story line is normal
but I enjoy the Greek myth
really amazing~~~~

When I back to my auntie house which at PJ-SS20
my cousin invite me to go M.O.S
when we get there
omg~~!! really just a few people over there
fuyoh~~~!!
But,at least I can get meet my lovely dear..
really miss her so much~~~~

Here is a view of the hotel which is just beside the M.O.S
Cousin and I decide to leave M.O.S
we having loklok and kfc nearby....satisfy=)
When i back home it already 3sth.....fuyoh~~~~~~
Omg,I gonna wake up at 6am
Yet,I slept at 5am...=x

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally I failed to wake up at 6am
My aunt awake me at 615am..hehe
When I arrived Subang Parade
still got many people havent arrive there

My uniform for the promoter was red shirt with white skirt
The product I promoted is a headset
One is analog another is digital---rm100 & rm150
for me,it is expensive,I better wear on my fon^^
But,it is cheap for those angmo
those angmo so tall , slim, pretty, handsome....

Got some funny conversation happen on me while I was promoting
I get many different response from my customer
SIR,WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY WITH THIS HEADSET?
-fuck you
-buy 1 free 1?
-is this for rent?
-can I buy you n get the headset as free gift?
-can I try?(while they wearing it,they say'go'...with the headset==)
-after bought this,can I have ur number?
Yet,many people like my contact lens...syok me...^^
It is barbie super nudy lens...=)
I saw a handsome angmo..he bought the headset from me and ask for my number..
But I dint give him,feel so regret now..=(

My boss is really so fuck!!!
while i go back my booth and pass the money to the supervisor
He received the money but dint recorded my sales...
People who bought the headset at booth,all give to me
while I was busy with this customer,he ask me do with another customer
how I promoted to them and gave them the receipt at the same time.
let him scold liao...
5 minutes have to promote with 6 peoples~~@@
The lunch also very suck..hard to chew...
After work,we still have to wait him come for our booth.....
I also forget how long we wait for him...ish ish ish..~!!.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't walk this morning while I try to wake up today..
I can't stand properly..
I still headache even I ate 4 panadols before I slept
but it can't cure..=(
I lazy to talk since I get sore throat.
my head is pain while bath,my head is peeling..pain
my skin is pain while I crawl on it..it's itchy...==
whole body is burning
It was a 1st time I working under the sun for so many hours...
the weather wasn't stable.some more rainin heavily
luckily dint get sick
but get darker =(
Im malay chicken...

It is a lucky day
after pick up my cousin at pudu
We having our dinner nearby.
It seems a fate
I meet my friend again..haha~~xD

I talk my trouble which I facing now to my aunt
But it's just a way for me to get some info
Can't solve it.I have to settle it by myself.
I enjoy go Pj find my aunt,but only sometimes
She will bring me go try many delicious food at KL..
but nt for hokkien mee today...hehe..

Now,0123am
Im wondering,shd I back?
.......=(


Friday, March 26, 2010

鬱金香的花語


我不是一個喜歡香水味的女孩
我討厭玫瑰花的味道
我不喜歡那種噁心作嘔的氣味
可是
惟有一種花
是我情有獨鈡的
那就是鬱金香
我愛上它那可愛的花苞
沒有濃郁的味道
只有在它乾了
才那麽一點點的味道


玲瓏可愛有如酒杯狀的鬱金香
實為美人兒含羞嬌豔的笑容
從含苞待放至花朵盛開
可細細品味美人兒豐富多變
惹人憐愛的神情
無需話語
一切情意只願盡在不言中
嫵媚多情的鬱金香
就像那澎湃的熱情
無窮的愛意

鬱金香為天下有情人飲盡無限愛情的酒
如果你有愛在心裏口難開的煩惱
不妨送一束美麗的鬱金香
給心愛的他
透過他美麗的雙眼
感受你澎湃的熱情,
他會知道你愛的宣言
長長久久........

紅鬱金香-愛的宣言
粉鬱金香 -純純的愛
紫鬱金香-無盡的愛
白鬱金香-幸福的感覺
雙色鬱金香-美麗的雙眼

我記得那時候的你
送了我雙色的鬱金香
不過那些照片都因爲電腦拿去format了
全部一起不見了
T.T
哈~
我就知道我的雙眼是美麗的~~~